COVID: To begin planning or not, that is your current dilemma.

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You have anxiety about planning your wedding right now in this new world. Questions are overflowing in your mind.  ‘Will we have to reschedule and with less favorable terms than we began with?’ ‘What if we have to reduce the guest list to under 50 and why does this feel next to impossible?’ ‘What if we have to move the wedding outside and our current date is during the winter months?’ ‘What if rescheduling costs us additional fees?’ ‘What if someone in our families gets sick before the big day?’ ‘Will a socially distanced wedding even be fun?’

At the same time, not planning a wedding may be giving you as much anxiety as actually planning a wedding. To delay moving forward with your wedding may feel like you are disrespecting yourselves. Perhaps you find yourselves angry, yet there is no one to really be angry at!  You are not alone; this is how many couple’s are feeling.

During a time of many unknowns it can be crucial to have a skilled planner by your side. You need a planner who is going to set you up for both safety and success so you can comfortably move forward with your much-anticipated wedding day. 

Yes, given the atmosphere of our world, there are some parameters we must plan ahead for. For one, you may want to air on the side of a smaller wedding so that if you do have to limit your guest count, you will not have to uninvite as many guests. Alternatively, you may want to send Save the Dates to your first 50-60 closest friends and family and save the other Save the Dates to mail in early 2021.

Perhaps the biggest fear persuading you not to begin planning is costs. Will you be charged more should you have to move your wedding to another date? Will you be charged the same amount should your guest count need to drastically drop?  These are valid concerns and we understand your desire to respect your money. However, these are not all barriers to begin planning. Given the current climate, the initial leg work to find the right vendors for you both may take a bit longer and you may not want to sign up for your first choice because of their COVID related terms. We can walk you through this process and ensure you select the best vendors for YOU.

Most noteworthy, we have had three events in COVID times and they all were beautiful, fun and safe. The guests and vendors did get tested before coming into the area and then were tested again right before the big day. Had someone tested positive prior to the wedding, they would have been unable to attend the in-person events. The staff was tested at two of these events and at the another we knew they were tested within that week. The staff members also took extra precautions to distance themselves when they could and the menu and service was slightly altered for the event where the staff wasn’t tested the day before. 

Personally, we feared the smaller weddings being awkward but for our events it was quite the opposite. We do believe the main reason why these COVID friendly events were not awkward was because we laid out the laws of the land to guests before they arrived and also because everyone was tested. Guests knew what to expect and they respected the wishes of the host and the current laws in the area. When guests don't know what to expect it makes for far more anxiety. ` 

If you are not a candidate for a full planner but want assistance with the start of planning so that you can begin confidently during these uncertain times, we are offering alternatives to our traditional full planning packages. 

Couples may bring us on hourly or with a package rate to help with the following: 

  • Securing a wedding venue with the best possible terms allowed

  • Securing vendors who are best suited to your budget, location and comfort level.

  • Prior planning your Covid related details and parameters.

  • Setting you up on a planning timeline for the year ahead.

  • Educational sessions on all things planning: venues, paper, timelines, hotels, decor, etc. 

We assure you if you choose your date and book your venue, you will relax more. 

Please feel free to reach out with any questions! We look forward to working with couples planning their special days during these uncertain times and helping to execute, intimate, fun and beautiful weddings. 

Happy Planning, 

Ashley + Team

The Power of Choice

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These times are not easy and its absolutely not at all easy to shift our attention to anything but the uncertainly of the present moment but we all need each other to do so. We all need ourselves and each other to keep life moving forward.

Life keeps moving forward whether you are ready for it or not, whether you want it to or not. Resistance always reveals itself to be the only pain.

Everything does happen for a reason. The current moment would not have happened if the previous moment did not take place. We merely do not always know what caused the current moment but something did.

The only way to be in alignment with our best selves in the present moment is to have not resisted the previous one. Pain leads to happiness and happiness will lead to pain, or discomfort, over and over again. That is the nature of life.

If you give yourself a chance, some time to try again and again, you may find yourself engrossed in some task that makes you feel better. Get your attention off yourself and focus on something that will effect your future, that will effect our future.

I am so grateful for our clients with future events. Events we are currently assuming won’t be cancelled. They immediately take our minds into the future and keep them in the reality that this too shall pass. There may be a new normal but life will continue.

I am grateful for the added time I currently have to work on some long term projects that I had previously been battling time to complete.

I am grateful that I can be accountable to my own time. I still do have the power of choice and the power to choose my thoughts.

I am grateful for my health.

I am grateful that I took that plunge ten years ago to work for myself.

I am so grateful for my partner who is lovingly putting up with me and vise versa. Who meditates with me each morning, cooks with me and takes yoga with me.

I am grateful that I have discipline that I attribute in large part to having been a performer and a ballet dancer as a child. Its coming in way handy now.

I am grateful to my clients that are so appreciative of the time I am giving them during these odd times.

I am grateful for the fresh food I still have in the fridge.

I am grateful for everything that wedding planning has taught me, and event planning too. God, it teaches a ton. And working for yourself teaches you a ton. It makes you stronger than you ever thought you could be.

I am grateful for the work I have done on myself to get me to this moment because it makes these times far easier and there is still room for joy.

I hope....

In the long run I hope these times make us less judgmental, more grateful, more simple, less petty, more creative, more down to earth and connected as we now know how to better focus on what matters most.

XO

Ashley

P.S. Don’t judge my poor grammar please. :-)

Only real friends should be your wedding guests

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Couples who have been married only a few years often remark how there were so many people at their wedding, or even bridal party, who they no longer speak to. They have fallen off the face of the Earth since the wedding. Maybe life shifts, attentions divert, people move away. For the most part, included in this group are people with which your bonds may have been superficial. 

Do not invite certain people to look good. Do not fear you will look less than if this or that person does not attend your wedding too. So what if they were in your fraternity - be the cool discerning outlier and do not invite everyone. There are other innovative people in your alumni association that will accomplish more and be a better contact for life, and they do not care about being invited to your wedding. Similarly, do not invite people that will attend your wedding just because they too have FOMO. Your wedding day is too meaningful for that. 

Do not invite work friends that are not going to be friends after you change your job. Invite no one for work. If anyone asks say it was your in-laws rule. Just think how much less annoying it will be if you plan on keeping your job. No endless stories for years to come about your gross cake (joking) or the time Timmy decided to use the bushes to relieve himself and your grandma saw. Joking again or maybe not. Additionally, your parents should not be allowed to invite their work friends either, and that goes for both sets of parents.

Lastly, in the New York City and surrounding suburban areas it is really hard to find many attractive venues that have a guest count at or exceeding 250 people. There are enough venues that push their max capacity to be more attractive to more couples. If you doubt how comfortable their max capacity would be for you and your guests, then you may want to ask your coordinator to tell it like it is - is your guest count pushing it? Maybe ask for some photos of past weddings with a higher guest count or stalk instagram.

Having problems with your guest count? Ask yourselves who really will be there for you in five years. Those who are there for you for the long run do not need an event or milestone to take place in order to stay in touch and vice versa on your end as well. Plus, a smaller wedding makes for a more intimate wedding, which often times equates to a more relaxed atmosphere.

True friends = wedding guests

NICOLE + ROSS | Blue Hill Stone Barns | Tarrytown, New York | October 2017

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This wedding was a joy to plan. During the planning process, Nicole and her mother had somewhat different tastes in aesthetics. However, it was their combined love for the beautiful venue at Stone Barns coupled with our own ability to be not only diplomatic but also showcase ideas that they would both love which, in the end, set them up for success.

One element of their design that was different than most of our weddings is that they both favored paper that had considerable detail. They both moved forward with intricately designed invitations and save the dates a bit on their own and had good renderings early so the over all design fit into the paper details.

Being cohesive was super important to them both and, in particular, the Mother of the Bride. The family entertains enough at home and had learned from past experience that they love consistency. There are many details you cannot see in their photography. Details such as the ribbon and name tags on the flip flops and blankets. Other details like their specialty coffee and hot cocoa station, their enormous and cool outdoor lounge with plenty of games for those less inclined to dance.

You never know what is going to stick after a wedding. The couple’s adorable and memorable first dance, well rehearsed after months of classes, made the whole room tear up. Then the best man speech had so much love you wanted to hug your neighbor. The surprise, albeit less emotional, was the guest’s love for their linens and napkins. Multiple guests asked the Mother of the Bride where their beautiful La Tavola linens came from and they also asked about the dinner napkins, which also came from La Tavola. In fact, two ladies called us separately asking where to purchase their velvet ecru linen lined napkin!

We anxiously await July of 2019 when we will be back at the one-and-only charming Blue Hill at Stone Barns for another buyout!

Happy venue shopping and congratulations again to Nicole + Ross.

Photography by Craig Warga Weddings

Planning + Design | Ashley Douglass Events

Venue | Blue Hill at Stone Barns

Band | FAZE 4 Orchesteras LTD “Scott Yunney Band”

Photographer | Craig Warga Weddings

Videographer | 15 Minutes of Frame

Florist | Blade NYC

Photobooth | New England Selfie

Lighting | Pegasus Productions

Hair | Indulge Salon

Make Up | Hope Landry

Bridal Attire | A Little Something White

Rental Company | Nuage Designs

Rental Company II | Party Rental LTD

Rental Company III | La Tavola


Instagram Obsessed vs Smart Consumers

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Social Media is a part of our lives now like Netflix and brushing our teeth. We are use to being turned on and inspired by pictures wherever and whenever...harmless of course. However, small bits of information, photos and the non regulated flow of information on most sites, such as Instagram, is just that, a random unregulated flow of information.

When many people become engaged, such as maybe yourself, they become obsessed with all of it. And you make assumptions and draw opinions about choices and vendors, and everything under the sun because of what you have gleamed from these sites or photos. The thing is if this cumulative impression of a vendor's quality, as taken from social media and press alone, is a driving force in your decision making, you are bound to come up short a noticeable portion of the time. You are being sold. 

Photos are not indicative of a job well done, nor is press, nor are followers. We know our social media presence and press is not a direct by product of our success with our clients, neither is it our definition of success and it should not be yours either.  Having a consistently exciting social media presence takes time and attention, perhaps away from clients. If you are a blog or a product like a bridal gown designer that is different - social media may actually be your job, your money-maker and passion. If a company wants to be huge they will bring on additional personelle, an expense that only increases the cost of a vendor or planner or that company's volume increases. Granted we have gotten substantially better with social media so it takes significantly less brain space and time. Also, companies can purchase followers and likes, and do not think that they do not. Lastly, when some attend industry seminars, they whip out manuals, programs and brochures and follow each and every person that is also in attendance or speaking. There is nothing wrong with being wonderful with PR, in fact it is smart. A good first impression is irreplaceable but there is a mountain more to be putting above what little you gleamed from a vendors social media presence. 

Why do we post this blog when we hardly blog at all? It is because talking with clients about why they should hire some vendors over others has become a larger part of the conversation since social media, in particular Instagram, has become more prominent in our every day life.  We are all susceptible to being sold - gather information and make educated choices but do not believe everything you read or view.

You may be thinking we are hypocrites because since January we have been in print twice and had four blog posts on national sites. We also have three more weddings for print to come out prior to September of this year and three more blog posts on the horizon. Well, some of this is luck, the fact that these weddings were enough "on-trend", those clients' hired great photographs that are popular on their own, and the fact that many of these time demanding submissions were handled by those appointed to do so at the photographer studios or the photographers themselves. Oh and did I mention luck?

Some ideas to ponder...

A luxury wedding client is not looking at the larger industry media outlet listings of vendors so they are significantly less inclined to go online and review a vendor because they never joined such and such a site in the first place - the process is much ore annoying to begin with a profile you otherwise would not have made. Many would prefer to write a hand written note, perhaps send a gift, as a thank you rather than go onto a website. They also don't want to reveal their identity on such sites and don't want more spam!  Furthermore, the luxury market puts more stock in referrals than reviews, made by random people, whose taste may be different than their own. The volume of reviews online should also not be a deciding factor. 

Maybe a vendor does a kick back to the past client once they review them with five stars? Maybe if they do so a bouquet will show up at their door or another person's door, so they save reviewing the vendor until the day of their BFF's birthday so their BFF gets fresh flowers delivered to their door for free. These are all realities we have heard about and know to be a fact. You are smart - do not be sold but fluff! 

There are photos out there that are lies. Planners posting as the full planner and designer on weddings they worked on starting three or four weeks out - this is a super common one we see all the time. 

There are photos of events posted by various vendors that are not even weddings or events they have worked on. Make sure posts are very clear about what they did on such and such an event, and who did what. Taste does have value but not misleading posts, those are lies. 

Hire vendors you know in your gut are straight shooters, have engaging conversation with you rather than just ask you what you want from them because they should already know the job and be asking you thought provoking logical questions.

Do not purchase a price tag or a package - Hire a person you want to be around that is highly passionate, experienced and competent, and with whom you feel heard.  

This concludes our Saturday afternoon-wine-blog-chat. Happy Spring. 

{Insert clever photo}  Ha!