MY YEAR END TOP 10 THINGS TO REMEMBER - 2020

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The last year has been such a gift and I am grateful that I have been in healthy position in all senses of the word. I know that all the people reading this cannot say the same, especially those in the event industry. Oh there were blows, believe me, but perspective was sustained and silver linings appreciated. Without discrediting the hardships that others have endured in 2020, I do know whatever happens to you happens for you. This is my saying of sayings 24/7 and has been for years. You have to turn your circumstances on their head, facing you, like a box of paints standing still, waiting for you to either be reactive or create. You may have to feel a ton of shit but hard feelings don’t hurt you, they only make you stronger - it’s not feeling them, holding them, hiding that will.

Some years I post my top ten things to remember and sometimes I keep them to myself. Going all in for 2020-2021. I am in love with life and all it has to offer and all I have to offer it in return. Maybe the snow is making me glow this week - I am SO pumped.

Check back before the thirty-first, as this blog is one of two installments for New Year’s End. In the next I will tweak this life hack list and deliver you some of my subjective wedding hack lessons.

  1. Whatever happens to you, happens for you.

  2. Where your attention goes, energy flows, and that energy compounds and so becomes your life. Another nice way of saying, ‘the entirety of your experience will be determined by the quality of your mind’. (I meditate daily. I don’t know how I ever managed without!)

  3. It’s wise to drop all stories so that you can first see things as they are. First you have to realize where you are holding stories, bringing them into rooms with yourself and other people. How are you perhaps enabling another person’s story because it serves your own story? Then when you drop them all, you realize just how much ‘okay’, ‘validation’ and ‘enough’ there truly is for everyone. 

  4. There are no problems as long as there are solutions. The only problem is that you have yet to find your way to courage. 

  5. Boundaries isn’t a bad word and they serves the other people as well. 

  6. Long term goals are more generous than short term goals. One day it will be okay if you piss people off in the short term because you are going to create, achieve or do something that will benefit them more tomorrow. 

  7. Being interested is a lot more loving, trustworthy, genuine and productive than trying to be interesting. 

  8. Time and health are all we have. That is a sobering, scary and strengthening one to digest fully and reread daily on a sticky note posted to your front door…not that you should be going anywhere in 2020 except for a good long walk but you know what I mean. 

  9. Show up to connect, rather than control or coerces to power.  How can you know what you are going to offer next when you have not digested what the other person has sent your way? Living generously and well is just like the craft of acting, living right in the moment. Acting powerful or being defensive is not going to protect you from anything but move you farther from you goal. The only protection from anything you will ever have is your ability to face things head on, without defense, soft. 

  10. Resistance is the only pain…Another common way of saying the same thing as above. So true. And there is no BUT, only AND. 

As always, ignore my dyslexic grammar. I think pace and personality are more important anyway.

I love and forgive you 2020 just don’t come back here again.

XO

Ashley D.

COVID: To begin planning or not, that is your current dilemma.

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You have anxiety about planning your wedding right now in this new world. Questions are overflowing in your mind.  ‘Will we have to reschedule and with less favorable terms than we began with?’ ‘What if we have to reduce the guest list to under 50 and why does this feel next to impossible?’ ‘What if we have to move the wedding outside and our current date is during the winter months?’ ‘What if rescheduling costs us additional fees?’ ‘What if someone in our families gets sick before the big day?’ ‘Will a socially distanced wedding even be fun?’

At the same time, not planning a wedding may be giving you as much anxiety as actually planning a wedding. To delay moving forward with your wedding may feel like you are disrespecting yourselves. Perhaps you find yourselves angry, yet there is no one to really be angry at!  You are not alone; this is how many couple’s are feeling.

During a time of many unknowns it can be crucial to have a skilled planner by your side. You need a planner who is going to set you up for both safety and success so you can comfortably move forward with your much-anticipated wedding day. 

Yes, given the atmosphere of our world, there are some parameters we must plan ahead for. For one, you may want to air on the side of a smaller wedding so that if you do have to limit your guest count, you will not have to uninvite as many guests. Alternatively, you may want to send Save the Dates to your first 50-60 closest friends and family and save the other Save the Dates to mail in early 2021.

Perhaps the biggest fear persuading you not to begin planning is costs. Will you be charged more should you have to move your wedding to another date? Will you be charged the same amount should your guest count need to drastically drop?  These are valid concerns and we understand your desire to respect your money. However, these are not all barriers to begin planning. Given the current climate, the initial leg work to find the right vendors for you both may take a bit longer and you may not want to sign up for your first choice because of their COVID related terms. We can walk you through this process and ensure you select the best vendors for YOU.

Most noteworthy, we have had three events in COVID times and they all were beautiful, fun and safe. The guests and vendors did get tested before coming into the area and then were tested again right before the big day. Had someone tested positive prior to the wedding, they would have been unable to attend the in-person events. The staff was tested at two of these events and at the another we knew they were tested within that week. The staff members also took extra precautions to distance themselves when they could and the menu and service was slightly altered for the event where the staff wasn’t tested the day before. 

Personally, we feared the smaller weddings being awkward but for our events it was quite the opposite. We do believe the main reason why these COVID friendly events were not awkward was because we laid out the laws of the land to guests before they arrived and also because everyone was tested. Guests knew what to expect and they respected the wishes of the host and the current laws in the area. When guests don't know what to expect it makes for far more anxiety. ` 

If you are not a candidate for a full planner but want assistance with the start of planning so that you can begin confidently during these uncertain times, we are offering alternatives to our traditional full planning packages. 

Couples may bring us on hourly or with a package rate to help with the following: 

  • Securing a wedding venue with the best possible terms allowed

  • Securing vendors who are best suited to your budget, location and comfort level.

  • Prior planning your Covid related details and parameters.

  • Setting you up on a planning timeline for the year ahead.

  • Educational sessions on all things planning: venues, paper, timelines, hotels, decor, etc. 

We assure you if you choose your date and book your venue, you will relax more. 

Please feel free to reach out with any questions! We look forward to working with couples planning their special days during these uncertain times and helping to execute, intimate, fun and beautiful weddings. 

Happy Planning, 

Ashley + Team

The Power of Choice

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These times are not easy and its absolutely not at all easy to shift our attention to anything but the uncertainly of the present moment but we all need each other to do so. We all need ourselves and each other to keep life moving forward.

Life keeps moving forward whether you are ready for it or not, whether you want it to or not. Resistance always reveals itself to be the only pain.

Everything does happen for a reason. The current moment would not have happened if the previous moment did not take place. We merely do not always know what caused the current moment but something did.

The only way to be in alignment with our best selves in the present moment is to have not resisted the previous one. Pain leads to happiness and happiness will lead to pain, or discomfort, over and over again. That is the nature of life.

If you give yourself a chance, some time to try again and again, you may find yourself engrossed in some task that makes you feel better. Get your attention off yourself and focus on something that will effect your future, that will effect our future.

I am so grateful for our clients with future events. Events we are currently assuming won’t be cancelled. They immediately take our minds into the future and keep them in the reality that this too shall pass. There may be a new normal but life will continue.

I am grateful for the added time I currently have to work on some long term projects that I had previously been battling time to complete.

I am grateful that I can be accountable to my own time. I still do have the power of choice and the power to choose my thoughts.

I am grateful for my health.

I am grateful that I took that plunge ten years ago to work for myself.

I am so grateful for my partner who is lovingly putting up with me and vise versa. Who meditates with me each morning, cooks with me and takes yoga with me.

I am grateful that I have discipline that I attribute in large part to having been a performer and a ballet dancer as a child. Its coming in way handy now.

I am grateful to my clients that are so appreciative of the time I am giving them during these odd times.

I am grateful for the fresh food I still have in the fridge.

I am grateful for everything that wedding planning has taught me, and event planning too. God, it teaches a ton. And working for yourself teaches you a ton. It makes you stronger than you ever thought you could be.

I am grateful for the work I have done on myself to get me to this moment because it makes these times far easier and there is still room for joy.

I hope....

In the long run I hope these times make us less judgmental, more grateful, more simple, less petty, more creative, more down to earth and connected as we now know how to better focus on what matters most.

XO

Ashley

P.S. Don’t judge my poor grammar please. :-)

Ashley was interviewed by Greenwich Tent Co.

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Greenwich Tent Co. interviewed Ashley recently. Catch it live on their blog HERE or read it below!

It’s an honor to be trusted planning an event that client’s imbue with so much passion and importance. Weddings have only the extent of meaning that the client’s give them and a client that hires an event planner such as ourselves, has high expectations. We love a creative project and a good challenge. Also, there is a lot we take for granted, skills that come easy to us that are intimating or foreign to a client. Details that we discern that clients would not have. Details that alter the planning experience or guest experience or both, that may or may not be visual. There is so much that does not meet the eye because the planning just works out in the end, seamlessly. Lastly, we also know our involvement helps alleviate conflict both between family members and couples. That alone makes our roles rewarding and valuable. Gratitude. 

Their interview:

Event Planners, or as I like to call them the fairy Godmothers of all things wedding and special events related, are really the glue to every single aspect of your wedding day/event. They help piece together your dream vision while giving you ideas and feedback through each decision from the catering, floral designs and guest experience! 

Ashley Douglass Events is the total package with the motto of "seamless planning for luxury events". We have worked with her and her team for the past few years and the work that they have done is stunning and we though you should see it for yourself!! 

Her experience in this industry:

Her previous history is in the professional theatre both in NYC and regionally. She grew up in a professional theatre family and was a serious ballet student all throughout childhood so “production time” was just part of her life. While still in the theater as she got older she worked as a staff trainer for a larger NYC restaurant group. For her it was ideal because when she needed a job, be it for a month or four, she always had a restaurant to be placed into and sometimes was helping to open a new restaurant too. She moved to LA in her late 20s and did the same work on the side and eventually her name started circulated as a subcontracted wedding or event coordinator. That was when she first got the wedding bug. Ashley shadowed some designers as well, laying the groundwork for a future job all the while still performing. She then went back to school to become a therapist and in tandem started to book her own weddings. Without planning it a new career emerged and picked up speed prior to completing her training hours as a therapist so she went for it. That was about 9 years ago.

How she got started and what made her choose this career:

Ashley always wanted to work for herself. That was a must. She says she is for sure right brained but also love detail and a hard challenge. The harder the job the better she will do. With weddings and events, you see the final outcome which is the ideal reward. Ashley also has a few other business ideas up her sleeve but we will get back to her on that!

What geographic areas she services:

She works in NYC, Hamptons, Hudson Valley to the Berkshires, Vermont and Fairfield County CT. She also work where ever her clients take her. They have also planned in CA, CO, FL, TX and Mexico.

For 2020 + 2021 we are also planning for the Caribbean and Madrid is pending. Catch us on Instagram soon. 

Her favorite part about being an event planner:

Happy clients make a happy planner. Ashley feels good to be in a job that you are good at, as silly as that may sound. She is good with people I believe, detail and design.

What Ashley likes about working with a tent for a wedding reception versus an indoor space:

She finds that its important to have a tented event even if you are in a location that does not get much rain, having a main structure calls for guests to focus and you are able to do what you want aesthetically. You can be outside in the woods and have a formal event. She loves lighting and a barren tent gives you options! 

How she discovered Greenwich Tent and why she enjoys working with us:

She began working with us back when we were first only Sperry Tents Greenwich. You're a growing company that still feels and operates like a small family company. Clients value that! 

Some of her favorite events she has done with us!

A New Canaan wedding the night after the Supreme Court ruled same sex marriage as legal. Click Here to see the full story!

A wedding at Glenmere Mansion where the bride actually let her mother do a majority of the planning since she was busy with her career and wanted her mom to have some fun with it! 

And a wedding at The Country Club of Fairfield where her parents got married sixty two years before. Click Here to see the full story!

If you are equally as happy seeing their gorgeous events then pop over to their Instagram!

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Thanks so much to our friends at Greenwich Tent for interviewing us especially during a busy time, Fall!

Ashley D. and team

GQ + Sam | Kontokosta Winery, NoFo Wedding

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Genevieve, also known as GQ, and Sam, could not be more suited for one another. They have figured it out. The planning journey with them, as well as the entire wedding weekend, was filled with laughter and good spirits. They both walk through life with humor, perspective and gratitude. The love they share for each other makes spending time with them pleasant and all the more special.  All of these wonderful characteristics of GQ and Sam were palpable during the wedding and amongst their family members as well. Overall, the wedding weekend was fun, relaxed and filled with love. 

Below are just a few of the many details that shaped Genevieve and Sam's choices for their wedding. 

They wanted the weekend to be easy for their guests and for guests to be closer to one another, which eliminated some of their initial venue choices in the South Fork/Hamptons. They also wanted their ceremony at waterfront. While they loved another venue on the South Fork very much, the choices of pairing The Soundview and Kontokosta Winery together on the North Fork, Wine Country, made for a more communal weekend and bonus as they got that waterfront wedding ceremony they hoped for. 

When planning their wedding, Genevieve and Sam left their parents and friends out of the planning process and worked with ADE on their own.  With the help and guidance of ADE, GQ and Sam were able to make choices that ensured their wedding weekend would be fun and relaxed for everyone involved. 

When they got a bit behind during planning, they did roll with the punches and gave up control when they needed to. In order to keep sane with everything else going on in their lives, they were able to make time for important elements of the planning process.  We were lucky in every regard. 

Shout out to Groom Sam who has called meetings with our team “Wedding Therapy” more than any other client or person. 

Having an upscale wedding that was also approachable was important to them and was a success at the end of the weekend. They both love decor and are eager to provide their own opinions. They were sensitive to the question of enough. What would be enough for them, for balance in the tent, to not distract people from conversation, etc. I think we nailed it on the head. What do you think?

Many thanks to Carats & Cake for featuring this beautiful wedding. We would plan this type of wedding again in a heart beat. 

Genevieve and Sam’s Kontokosta Winery Wedding Gallery

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Planning + Design | Ashley Douglass Events

Venue | Kontokosta Winery

Tenting | Stamford Tent

Band | Elan Artists - Ground Control

Photographer | Sarma & Co.

Florist | Sag Harbor Florist

Lighting | Social Decor Lighting

Hair | Brandon Michie

Make Up | Danielle Librizzi

Caterer | Art of Eating

Ceremony Musicians | Iconiq Strings

Invites | Sam Clarke (the groom himself!)

Rental Company | Party Rental LTD

Rental Company II | Nuage Designs

Rehearsal Dinner Venue | The Halyard at Soundview

After Party Venue | First and South

Hotel | The Gallery Hotel

Hotel II | The American Beech