(5/10) Energy flows where your attention goes

Five of Ten: Top 10 things you must remember when planning a wedding….the less superficial list.

Energy flows where your attention goes. The energy multiplies and that place you put your attention will be the experience of your wedding.  

If you are focused on what other people will think of you, how they will evaluate your wedding, if they even do at all, then this is how you will arrive at your wedding day. Since when did a couple’s wedding day become synonymous with auditioning for a role in some society’s script? Oh it did, it was, long ago but aren’t we past that now? Maybe you are focused on how your own wedding will measure up to your friend’s wedding? Like you’re preparing to be picked for homecoming queen of instagram. This wedding, the celebration of the start of your own private marriage, is not a problem unless you make it so.  

You want to look your best so when you are old with sagging smile lines you can remember when you both were young and smoking hot. Do it! Have fun with it but if you are dipping into a crazy pants mindset, remember this special day isn’t first for anyone else but yourselves, and the people that support you just the way you are. 

Maybe for some, your wedding truly is an event that you have to go through the motions of a bit so that your family can live with you afterwards and your honeymoon is what you both name as the celebration of your union together? Maybe you come from a very religious family and you don’t subscribe to that religion anymore and you can’t bring yourselves to separate from it for this last one time. That’s okay, just admit it, make the intention clear to yourselves. Give it language. 

Maybe your wedding is a celebration of the growth you both are grateful to have made as individuals and in large part because of one another’s support? How have you changed for the better? How does this make traveling through life easier or more rewarding and probably both? 

Maybe you have already gone through a ton of hardship or even trauma together and you’re proud and touched that you are here together, committed.

Don’t ruin the year of your engagement by trying to be multiple people or please multiple people! Don’t ever do that anyway! What headspace are you returning to every time you think about your wedding?

(1/10) Top 10 things to remember when planning a wedding, 2020

Top ten things to remember when planning a wedding…the less superficial list.

If marriage was easy it wouldn’t be so meaningful and weddings so beautiful.

ONE of TEN: Wedding planning will be stressful and complicated because people are involved. 

You may want to pick and choose which people you involve in what pieces of planning. You can tell them only so many cooks are needed in the kitchen for each course. 

You do not need to answer the myriad of questions that others you. Just politely tell them that you have it all under control and you will fill them in, in due time. 

Your colors are none of their business and design typically does’t start with color anyhow. 

For a good portion of you, wedding planning will reveal unhealthy boundaries that you have been putting up with, only thing is now the topic of discussion is as close to your heart as possible. Know what you need and communicate it clearly. Stand by your plans for mental well being, always. 

What if this project is a tool to reveal all that you need to learn to deal with, so that you can both have a wonderful life together? For some more than others, this is a period of great transition. 

Maybe your families are very different. Maybe they don’t know each other well yet. Maybe they don’t even like each other. Maybe you are from two families with different religious beliefs, even different holidays. You spend money differently, your childhood homes looked vastly different. 

This is all just part of life and it isn’t going anywhere after the wedding. You can derive so much good stuff from planning your wedding. Instead of resisting, sit down together and identify what is really going on and how you both feel about it, and how you are going to deal with it as a unit now and in the future. 

Remember you both are your immediate-immediate family now. 

Maybe you are doing yourselves good to seek help? And to that I say, people who get help are people who are continually learning…they are the winners, they are the ones that don’t break.

If marriage was easy it wouldn’t be so meaningful and weddings so beautiful. 

Some of you may not like what I write above. That is okay. Not everything above applies to everyone and by writing what’s above I am surely not stating that I know it all. Don’t be naive, old fashioned, simplistic and judgmental - those that divorce are not irresponsible or bad people. You and I both know that upwards of around fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Marriage is not a mistake if it does. And divorce is not a mistake. I know I am not suppose to ever use the D word. I am a wedding planner. I am suppose to be all sunbeams, superficial fairy dust and overly girly. Eye roll. We all have to go where we have to go, to learn what we need to learn, however challenging. Life is one continuous experience and we are all headed to the same place. Certainly though, we’d all love to learn a bit faster, and spend less time struggling and more time loving.

Ashley was interviewed by Greenwich Tent Co.

Greenwich Tent Co. interviewed Ashley recently. Catch it live on their blog HERE or read it below!

It’s an honor to be trusted planning an event that client’s imbue with so much passion and importance. Weddings have only the extent of meaning that the client’s give them and a client that hires an event planner such as ourselves, has high expectations. We love a creative project and a good challenge. Also, there is a lot we take for granted, skills that come easy to us that are intimating or foreign to a client. Details that we discern that clients would not have. Details that alter the planning experience or guest experience or both, that may or may not be visual. There is so much that does not meet the eye because the planning just works out in the end, seamlessly. Lastly, we also know our involvement helps alleviate conflict both between family members and couples. That alone makes our roles rewarding and valuable. Gratitude. 

Their interview:

Event Planners, or as I like to call them the fairy Godmothers of all things wedding and special events related, are really the glue to every single aspect of your wedding day/event. They help piece together your dream vision while giving you ideas and feedback through each decision from the catering, floral designs and guest experience! 

Ashley Douglass Events is the total package with the motto of "seamless planning for luxury events". We have worked with her and her team for the past few years and the work that they have done is stunning and we though you should see it for yourself!! 

Her experience in this industry:

Her previous history is in the professional theatre both in NYC and regionally. She grew up in a professional theatre family and was a serious ballet student all throughout childhood so “production time” was just part of her life. While still in the theater as she got older she worked as a staff trainer for a larger NYC restaurant group. For her it was ideal because when she needed a job, be it for a month or four, she always had a restaurant to be placed into and sometimes was helping to open a new restaurant too. She moved to LA in her late 20s and did the same work on the side and eventually her name started circulated as a subcontracted wedding or event coordinator. That was when she first got the wedding bug. Ashley shadowed some designers as well, laying the groundwork for a future job all the while still performing. She then went back to school to become a therapist and in tandem started to book her own weddings. Without planning it a new career emerged and picked up speed prior to completing her training hours as a therapist so she went for it. That was about 9 years ago.

How she got started and what made her choose this career:

Ashley always wanted to work for herself. That was a must. She says she is for sure right brained but also love detail and a hard challenge. The harder the job the better she will do. With weddings and events, you see the final outcome which is the ideal reward. Ashley also has a few other business ideas up her sleeve but we will get back to her on that!

What geographic areas she services:

She works in NYC, Hamptons, Hudson Valley to the Berkshires, Vermont and Fairfield County CT. She also work where ever her clients take her. They have also planned in CA, CO, FL, TX and Mexico.

For 2020 + 2021 we are also planning for the Caribbean and Madrid is pending. Catch us on Instagram soon. 

Her favorite part about being an event planner:

Happy clients make a happy planner. Ashley feels good to be in a job that you are good at, as silly as that may sound. She is good with people I believe, detail and design.

What Ashley likes about working with a tent for a wedding reception versus an indoor space:

She finds that its important to have a tented event even if you are in a location that does not get much rain, having a main structure calls for guests to focus and you are able to do what you want aesthetically. You can be outside in the woods and have a formal event. She loves lighting and a barren tent gives you options! 

How she discovered Greenwich Tent and why she enjoys working with us:

She began working with us back when we were first only Sperry Tents Greenwich. You're a growing company that still feels and operates like a small family company. Clients value that! 

Some of her favorite events she has done with us!

A New Canaan wedding the night after the Supreme Court ruled same sex marriage as legal. Click Here to see the full story!

A wedding at Glenmere Mansion where the bride actually let her mother do a majority of the planning since she was busy with her career and wanted her mom to have some fun with it! 

And a wedding at The Country Club of Fairfield where her parents got married sixty two years before. Click Here to see the full story!

If you are equally as happy seeing their gorgeous events then pop over to their Instagram!

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Thanks so much to our friends at Greenwich Tent for interviewing us especially during a busy time, Fall!

Ashley D. and team

New Year’s State of Mind 2018

Every year I give books as gifts and below are this year’s picks. 

Waking Up by Sam Harris

Oh and download the app too. Harris’ book is an exploration of spirituality for those of you that are as interested as I am in the nature of reality.  Both knowledge of and the experience of reality come about by way of our minds. I’ll leave it at that. Headspace is also a great app too and I have heard of some other great meditation apps. Try them all!

Thirst by Scott Harrison 

The biography of charity: Water’s founder Scott Harrison. I adore this organization as many of you do I am sure. Not just because of its mission but because of its transparency. Harris is someone who has truly thought outside the box and gone far. He is truly an inspiration. 

Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferris

I am a Tim Ferris fan. Pick up Four Hour Work Week too if you have not already and do not poo poo it because of its catchy title. In Tribe of Mentors, Ferris asks a bunch of successful people questions such as; ‘what is the book, or books, you’ve given most as a gift and why?’ Or ‘what are one to three books that have greatly influenced your life?’ ‘What purchase of $100 or less has most positively impacted your life in the last six months, or recent memory?’ For me, that would be the app Waking Up. Headspace is both a great read and purchase because you can read one of these entries before bed say without needing the added concentration a novel calls for. 

Happy Reading! 

Enough of that….

Each year I do this New Years end blog. Unbeknownst to me, my year-end blog post has really resonated with those who read it. A few vendors and friends have asked about this years post. A few of you also know that this past year has personally been a noteworthy one, which for us all here is the same thing as a professionally noteworthy year. I am sure many of you are probably thinking ‘something went horribly wrong; or ‘something really good happened.’ Well, both inclinations are entirely wrong. It is this year that I have grown the most and subsequently ADE has grown the most.

I did have a health scare earlier this year, but this noteworthy of a year began well before that.

Each year I ask myself where I want to go and how I’m going to start down this renewed path. This is why I love the New Year - Planning! To drive this idea home, more often than not I will only have one glass of champagne on New Year’s Eve! New Years is the most religious of holidays for me.

About a year ago, I began to take a good inventory of my life. I literally wrote a mini pamphlet for myself on living my own life. No, you will never see this. It went through revisions, discoveries and more revisions. I can narrow it down to this………

I have three words: Simplicity, Intimacy and Wealth. If you fancy the word abundance more you can replace it with that.

I greatly value Time. Our mind is the primarily tool for making use of that time. Time looses its value if our mind cannot show up to meet it. Time is all we have.

Do not look at your emails on your phone and perhaps include in this list your texts as well, until after you are ready to show up for the day. For me it is after having had my morning coffee, some water and meditation.

What is most important to us here on a day-by-day basis is productivity. I am a recovering perfectionist that has resolved herself to excellence instead. As technology is designed to distract us, I do not let technology take control of my time or productivity.  If we allow each bell, whistle, prompt, text and alarm to take our attention there will be nothing left of us. We will loose ourselves and our ability to create whatever we have to offer. 

I have been meditating for well over a year now, every single day, sometimes twice a day. Just try meditation. I promise you, after some time, you will “get it” and not know how you ever went without it! Maybe I will write another blog post on this soon.

I also write in a journal every day and have been writing pretty much my whole life. I think you should too.

I work out at least five days a week. I always have and if I do not, I am not ‘normal Ashley.’ 

I read every day. I think you should too, and social media does not count. 

Nothing is ever about you. I repeat, nothing is ever about you.

Show up more and do less.

You really do feel, look and think better if you predominantly eat veggies. And living longer is worth it. 

We crave authenticity and we hope you do too.

Struggling is a habit. You can stop struggling and still accomplish as much, maybe even more!

Most days I commit to tackling the hardest thing first and move on from there.

We schedule time in the office because the more time we spend outside of the office; the less work we get done.

Everything that happens to you, happens for you. This is my life motto. 

You really have to take care of you first to take care of others. Doing otherwise is not a badge of honor but a selfish cry for attention, its you making it about you. 

That is all folks! Until next year! xo

JORDAN + ERIC | Westchester Country Club | Rye, New York | June 2017

This wedding appeared in the pages of The Knot in January 2018, on Inside Weddings, inside Westport Magazine, on Carats & Cake, Style Me Pretty and Westchester/Hudson Valley Wedding Magazine. 

This wedding was a class act filled with creativity and smart choices! We LOVE the vendors we love and cannot say enough about how hard they worked with us on this wedding to make everything come together on point. And the spirit and love at this wedding equaled its beauty! 

As most wedding decor, we started off with an inspiration board that came out of Ashley Douglass's first conversation with the beautiful and fun Bride Jordan. We both shared our love for home design, kitchens in particular, marble, mixed metals and pillows. You can see a screenshot of a portion of the first design inspiration board Ashley Douglass sent on to Jordan below. As you can see the wedding in the end did reflect some of these initial ideas, which is not always the case.  

Masarek Inspo 1 JPEG.jpg
Masarek Inspo 2 JPEG.jpg

Then somewhere down the line, once we have the florist contracted and in this case the lovely KDJ Botanica who we adore collaborating with, will get more specific on details and arrange a decor rehearsal day, the most fun you will have while planning!  KDJ and us have the same taste and could at times finish each other's sentences and I think she would say the same. Not to mention how stunning her arrangements are and the quality of the flowers she is able to procure time and time again! 

We played around with adding marble as an element or adding more grey/blue chiffon like runners and a zillion linens. In the end the result was a bit less romantic and more bright and a more refreshing take on modern for a wedding while still being happy and soft. The marble sealed the deal, as did the linens and then which shade of candle to be used. We love colored candles - so many options! 

This crowd was a super passionate, loving and happy a crowd, and clearly knew how to bust a move on the dance flower with fabulous tunes and endless amounts of time on preparation by Starlight Music NYC. 

We can't thank the Bride, Groom, and family enough for being open to ideas and having fun playing around until we got everything just right. It was a super fun night and thank you to the team at Westchester Country Club for accepting our endless back and forth with logistical ideas and details, and helping to make the planning perfect for both entire families. 

This wedding was featured in PRINT in The Knot New York. Check out the fabulous (and large) three page spread below and on newsstands all throughout New York! Vendor credits below as well! Thank you, thank you! XO 

The Knot 2018 SSNY Jordan Eric 1.jpg
The Knot 2018 SSNY Jordan Eric Melani Lust Ashley Douglass.jpg

Thank you to the fabulous team, including our own! Thank you Paige, Julia, Rachel, Page, Sarah and all! 

Planning + Design | Ashley Douglass Events

Florals + Design | KDJ Botanica

Photography | Melani Lust Photography

Venue | Westchester Country Club

Gown | Caroline Castigliano from The Plumed Serpent Bridal, Westport, CT

Bridesmaids | Joanna August from Bella Bridesmaids

Band | Starlight Music NYC

Cinematographer | Seaglass Studios

Lighting | Social Decor

Make up | Truly Happy Beauty

Tent | NY Tent

Rings | Diamond Cellar

Invitations | Bella Figura 

Poster Sketch of Dog | Social Alchemy Design

Day of Stationery | GCD Weddings

Lounge Rentals | Gather and Lounge 

Rentals | Borrowed + Blue

Rentals | Party Rental LTD.