(7/10) People will remember how you made them feel, not how much your wedding was like its supposed to be.

Seven of Ten: Things you need to know when planning a wedding.

People will remember how you made them feel, not how much your wedding was like its ‘supposed to be’.

Seven of ten: Things to remember when planning a wedding...the less superficial list.

This is not to say that the ambiance and decor doesn’t evoke a feeling but impressing people is a very different intention than crafting feeling and experience.

To some degree people will feel how you feel about your wedding. They will enter the same headspace, and sense you wanted to impress and judge the same way you are judging yourself, trying to measure up.

If you are going over-budget or spending so much it makes you uncomfortable or you fear you may feel foolish after the wedding, than you have to take a step back and ask yourselves if it’s worth it.

If the answer is no, and spending what you are spending does not make you uncomfortable and spending ABC is necessary for you both to feel like you’ve created a day that truly expresses yourselves, then spend it! ✨

Less can be more and more can be more, just depends upon the song, and songs make you feel something. [Okay I tried too hard there, just couldn’t make a rhyme]

(6/10) What is your wedding for and what is it not for? Get specific

Six of Ten: What is your wedding for and what is it not for? Get specific. 

Adding to five of ten (see our previous instagram post a few days ago).

Maybe your wedding is to celebrate how far you both have come personally and professionally because of one another. 

Maybe your wedding is to thank your community that has supported you and accepted you as you are through the years. 

Maybe your wedding is to celebrate all that you both plan to create and do in the years to come.

Maybe your wedding is to celebrate your family of origin that helped set you up for success in relationships. 

You recognize that it takes a village to create a meaningful life. How has this community supported you? How does this community make you both feel? 

Giving language to your ‘why’ helps maintain perspective and creates energy for the experience you want to have, not just for that weekend but in the months leading up to this special day. ***It directs focus away from the unimportant minutiae that will stress you out.***

What is your wedding not for? We all have anxieties. Let go of the baggage getting in your way and get on with YOUR amazing planning and weekend. What baggage? You know, the performance anxiety that many people carry. 

Your wedding is not to prove your worth. 

Your wedding is not to prove your status.

Your wedding is not a competition with your social sphere. 

Own your own day and be true to yourself. 

(5/10) Energy flows where your attention goes

Five of Ten: Top 10 things you must remember when planning a wedding….the less superficial list.

Energy flows where your attention goes. The energy multiplies and that place you put your attention will be the experience of your wedding.  

If you are focused on what other people will think of you, how they will evaluate your wedding, if they even do at all, then this is how you will arrive at your wedding day. Since when did a couple’s wedding day become synonymous with auditioning for a role in some society’s script? Oh it did, it was, long ago but aren’t we past that now? Maybe you are focused on how your own wedding will measure up to your friend’s wedding? Like you’re preparing to be picked for homecoming queen of instagram. This wedding, the celebration of the start of your own private marriage, is not a problem unless you make it so.  

You want to look your best so when you are old with sagging smile lines you can remember when you both were young and smoking hot. Do it! Have fun with it but if you are dipping into a crazy pants mindset, remember this special day isn’t first for anyone else but yourselves, and the people that support you just the way you are. 

Maybe for some, your wedding truly is an event that you have to go through the motions of a bit so that your family can live with you afterwards and your honeymoon is what you both name as the celebration of your union together? Maybe you come from a very religious family and you don’t subscribe to that religion anymore and you can’t bring yourselves to separate from it for this last one time. That’s okay, just admit it, make the intention clear to yourselves. Give it language. 

Maybe your wedding is a celebration of the growth you both are grateful to have made as individuals and in large part because of one another’s support? How have you changed for the better? How does this make traveling through life easier or more rewarding and probably both? 

Maybe you have already gone through a ton of hardship or even trauma together and you’re proud and touched that you are here together, committed.

Don’t ruin the year of your engagement by trying to be multiple people or please multiple people! Don’t ever do that anyway! What headspace are you returning to every time you think about your wedding?

(4/10) Your wedding celebration is happening for you

Four of Ten:  Your wedding celebration is happening for you.

[2020 Top Ten things to remember when planning a wedding…the more serious list]

Your wedding celebration is for you to enjoy, just like your guests. You are on the guest list.

You are there to enjoy the experience you have created and enjoy the company you have *chosen to invite*. 

Turn off your phone for 24, 32, 72 hours. Let the professionals capture the day. 

Studies show that you remember an event better when you are not the one photographing it. Okay I don’t know if studies actually show this but I have heard that many times and I believe this to be true. 

Be receptive to the present moment. On your wedding day there is truly nowhere else you need to be.

(3/10) Top 10 things to remember when planning a wedding...the less superficial list.

Three of Ten: Wedding planning can be simple if you know what the skilled planner knows.
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As always, what we write below does not apply to everyone.
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Right now, you may not believe that wedding planning can be simple but it’s true. So is the fact that what’s simple is hard. Wedding planning and any project, no matter its size, is simple if you have the time, experience, support and know what's ahead of you. It’s sometimes hard to accept what you learn as you move along because your assumptions will be tested. If it’s not time, experience, or a fear of the unknown getting in your way, then it’s your feelings about what’s happening, or things entirely separate from the project of wedding planning. If you don’t have the willingness to address all your feelings during this noteworthy time, then you are prone to project your feelings onto other things, such as your wedding planning.
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For some of you more than others, the time of your engagement and wedding planning brings up a ton of feelings. In other words, questions, expectations, fears, baggage from your childhood and your present-day insecurities. All normal stuff that is not all about shooting stars and fairy princesses. All normal stuff. You are not odd or alone in this.
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Take planning one step at a time and don’t fling your attention all over the place. Above all, hire help or enlist a levelheaded friend you trust. If you do hire help and your help has done this over 200 times to great success, trust them.
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Simplify your life a little so you can give yourselves time for all the things that come up this year, so that the actual wedding planning is simpler. If you take time for all your feelings, at the end of the road I promise that you will feel more ready, happy, and carefree on your wedding day.
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Don’t fall down the rabbit hole and have a year that is constantly in manic-mode and reassure yourselves by saying, it’ll all go back to normal once the wedding is over because it won’t, not entirely anyhow. If this describes you month after month after month after month, some other things are going on and after the wedding, when you crash, you will be left with the realities that you avoided beforehand.
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The process will be much simpler for you both if you get specific about the intention of your wedding. Yeah, yes, we know you want to celebrate with your friends and family, and for everyone to have a blast. But truly what is your wedding for and what is it not for? Aim your energy at the positive answer and try and let all the other bullshit fall away. Respect your own wedding - stick to your intentions. You are choosing to not just go to city hall for a reason, right? Well, why?